First Day

Wow, it has been a really long time since my last blog.  I can't even begin to put into words what the last 9 months have been like but suffice it to say, I am happy they are over.  


Today I start a new job.  Its 5:30am right now and dont actually have to be at work until 8:15 but...you know how it is.  I laid in bed for awhile before having the bright idea to get up, blog a bit, go on a refreshing walk/run and then do my yoga.  I suppose this is how the working mom's get everything done.  They don't sleep much. Ha! 


Its been 3 years since I have had a job.  3 long years.  Three years of trials and tribulations and learning experiences, the whole kit and kaboodle.  In the past 2 years I have had 3 surgeries.  In the first year I was married we traveled about 6 of 12 months.  Its just been wild and crazy.  I am ready to slow down.  I am so ready to have a job.  And though I may seem way overeducated for my  new job, I really don't care.  It is with thankfulness and excitement that I embark on this new phase.  God knows exactly what i need and what resources I have.  This job felt like it just landed in my lap.  I sent in a resume the week before, got called the night before and quickly interviewed before heading down to spend two days taking care of and spending time with my two youngest nephews.  I was able to see my oldest at home nephew for his birthday and meet his new girlfriend, as well as spend some really fun and quality time visiting with my sister.  


It was a good week.  But it was also a week of stress.  We had received some news at the tail end of the week before (after i sent in my resume), that made it clear that me working would be a really great thing for me as well as for other reasons.  Anyway, so after not hearing anything for a week, I assumed they must have decided i was a bit too overqualified or that i may not want to stay at a job that wasn't quite as challenging as it could be.  But the truth of the matter is that when I saw the posting I thought it looked great and fun and the hours were perfect.  As I ease back into the world of working this is a great way to start.  


So I got the offer letter yesterday, accepted, went in to fill out paperwork and such and here I am, the next morning starting off fresh at a completely new job.  A job that I honestly may have been timid to interview for before the surgery. Not that i don't know I am qualified, but when you are fat and you are working in a place of fitness, not to mention a gym that seriously looks and feels like the marriott, it can be a bit intimidating.  How many gyms have full spas and bistro's complete with deli salads, sandwiches and espresso.  Not to mention a Concierge desk!  


I know this job and every other have been gifts from The Lord and I will treat it as such.  I will not think about the part of me that feels somewhat humbled that with my background and education I now work as a childcare assistant in a gym facility.  I will think about the good things.  Which are plentiful.  I will put away my pride and revel in the blessing that God bestowed on Jeremy and I at a time where it was needed.  And I will enjoy myself and work to the best of my ability as working for God and not man.  God will use me where I am at and what a blessing it is to be able to love on families and kiddos as parents receive some alone time to work out and have that confidence their child is happy and healthy as they are cared for by workers who love them and love what they do  =)

Surgery: the aftermath

I remember nothing. I look up and I am being wheeled into an elevator. My body hurts. The nurse asks me my pain number but I cannot answer because I am gagging and my stomach is rolling. I am vomiting but nothing is coming up. Over and over my stomach lurches. The nurse tells me not to worry, we are almost there but I am still dry heaving. Each time I heave it feels as though I am ripping open my stomach.

I feel a sense of warmth and realize that not only am I dry heaving but I have lost control of my bladder so each time I vomit I also urinate. Okay, so they told me they were going to catheterize me during the surgery. If this is true then why the hell did they pump me full of saline and then remove the cath before i woke up?? Especially considering my history of violent vomiting with anesthesia. I was so mad and frustrated. I mean really, who wants to pee all over themselves when it is nearly impossible to clean up by yourself? We get to my room and as the nurse is adjusting my bed and clipping it into the frame, I look at her with mortification and explain that on the ride up I wet myself...EVERYWHERE!

The nurse is so sweet. She peels off my yellow stained thigh high leg wraps, helps me to the bathroom and then proceeds to take a washcloth and clean me up in the areas I cannot reach. She hangs a fresh gown up and leaves me alone to finish my business. As i sit down on the toilet the first thing I notice is the feeling of razor blades as I pee. I ask the nurse if this is normal and she says yes, this is a side affect of a cath. Oh yay!

By this time my parents and Jeremy had arrived in the room. All i remember is how much i hurt and wishing to God I had not done this. My pain number...a resounding 9. They shoot me with more morphine. Still a 9. More and it goes down to a 7. Phew, its manageable now. I can open my eyes. I am so fricking thirsty but I am not allowed anything to drink. Every fiber of my being hurts and the pain meds only take the edge off. I look at Jeremy and tell him that I shouldn't have done this. He tells me not to judge within an hour of surgery, that it's not a fair time for judgment. I laugh, and it hurts.

The surgery

I am going to try to be more diligent with this blog. especially now that I have finally had my surgery I want to use this page as my resource to record my thoughts, experiences and just whatever I feel like with regard to the surgery and anything else that may be in my head.

Let me start at the beginning. The day of.

I woke up at 4am. Well, I woke up a lot more than that but I woke up and actually got up at 4am. I had to be at the hospital at 5:30. I had my "hopeful clothes" bag packed and ready to go. Yes, hopeful clothes. Hopeful to wear underwear at some point. A comfy nightgown and pajama pants. Comfy socks. All of those things that would make the hospital experience less painful and scary and more comfortable and reassuring.

Riding with my dad was a bit of a nightmare. Our car took a trip to the shop while I was in hospital since I wouldn't be needing it so onward with Rudy the 3 of us went. By the time we got to the hospital I couldn't wait to get out. I can't even begin to describe the thoughts racing through my head and only a couple of them were about the surgery. =)

I checked in and waited. And waited some more. After 3o minutes of waiting and not wanting to leave to use the restroom I finally broke down and quickly went. Within minutes I was called back and the first thing they said was they needed a urine sample. oops.. Well no one even bothered to tell me they would want a pee sample and I couldn't help the fact I had just gone. But...alas they claimed they just needed a tad for a prego test. Ha! Me pregnant! Yeah... with a "snipped" husband, birth control pills and a serious lack of intimate activity since I was in Mexico for a week, then 4 days after i came home Jeremy had hernia surgery, the concept of being pregnant was a laughable one. I tried to explain all of this to no avail. I managed to pee, they came back with the oh so shocking news I wasn't pregnant...

On to the IV. Yah, so no one ever seems to be able to give me good IV's. I can count on one finger how many good ones I have had in the last 5 years. But I thought positively to myself. This is a center of excellence, therefore they will be excellent at IV's. I just know it. Unfortunately the power of positive thinking did not help the situation and once again, after digging in my left forearm with an 18 gauge needle and having no success the nurse assured me she would call someone. And she did. And that someone was aghast at nurse 1 for having used an 18 gauge needle. Nurse 2 used a 20 gauge and got it fast right in my hand. Ouch.

I look at the clock. It is 7am.. my 7:30 time is drawing near. My surgeon comes in and says hello. All is ready, all is a go. Finally my parents and husband get to come back. My mom squeezes my hand, my dad gives me sweet kisses on my forehead, both reassuring me everything is going to be alright. I have managed to hold it together but I can't anymore. The nurse ushers my parents out leaving Jeremy and I to ourselves for a last few moments before I go to the operating room. I start to cry. "I can't do this. I don't want to do this. This can't be the only way... I'm not ready". My husband has tears in his eyes as he too reassures me that it is good. It is what I want. "What if I die Jeremy? What if something goes wrong"? "I love you", he says.

It is time to go. They are wheeling me down the hall and I can't quit crying. I am scared. I am not ready. Can I still stop this? I have to quit crying or they won't be able to put me under. My throat is closing up. I am scared. I know this is best. All of these thoughts and more are running through my head as the doors to the operating room open. Everyone asks me how I am. Clearly I am not good. Tears are still coursing down my cheeks. I move to the operating table. The anesthesiologist looks at me, smiles. I look back, terrified. He begins pushing the plunger...

to be continued...

The night before...

I find it interesting the last blog I have on here is the blog of the day I found out my first surgery was declined. For tonight is the night before the now approved Bariatric Surgery.

How does one make sense of something like this? I have spent the last 18 months preparing but here I am less than 18 hours before and I feel completely bowled over both physically and emotionally. Physically because I am realizing now after a week and a half off of anti-inflammatories just how much by body hurts. My shoulders, my hips, my lower back...they officially exist now. Whereas before they were simply dull aches now they are all out uncomfortable pains.

Emotionally...I suppose to understand where I am I have to break my emotions into equal 1/3 parts. The first 1/3 is excitement and anticipation masked for the moment by fear and an overwhelming sense of "what next"?

The second third I would categorize as unbelievably thankful for this opportunity and so mystified as to why my insurance covers this 100% when some insurance companies won't cover it at all. In this same category is the knowledge this is the best thing and I am making the right and wisest choice. It holds the confidence that God orchestrated this and the door is wide open if only I will step through.

The third Third is unfortunately where most of my energy and focus is right now. It is the third that feels like an utter failure. It is the category that wanted so desperately to be that success story, the girl who started the road to Gastric Bypass and on the way she learned how to eat healthy and make good portion choices and exercise etc... and she lost 100 lbs. 18 months ago I thought that could be me. After the first 6 months of strict eating and exercise when only 12 lbs were lost it was discouraging. And the first surgery decline was devastating. But then the dream came back. I thought, I will start again. I will do it this time. I know how to do it all. I bought even more books than before. This time I became aware of the low glycemic index way of eating. I changed things even further. I perfectly balanced our meals. I worked out (not as much as i should...but some). Jeremy lost 15 lbs. I lost 3. I felt like the slimquick commercial.

The end of the second 6 months came, and again, it wasn't enough. My blood sugars and cholesterol still weren't controlled. Not with diet, not with all of the maximum doses of meds i was taking. Not with anything. It seemed my body had turned against me. It was rotten. It was frustrating and then the surgery was approved. I was exhilirated, I jumped up and down. And then as it all set in I came back to this place. I had failed...again. And whether I have failed me, or my body has failed me, or a little bit of both, my surgery tomorrow is bittersweet.

I have to imagine it is akin somewhat to a pregnant mom. Excited for the outcome but scared of the process. Excited for that amazing child but scared of the labor. Excited for each of those daily milestones but exhausted by the lack of sleep that a child brings. Excited for that time where they begin to walk and explore but exhausted by walking behind them making sure their space is safe. Excited to see the person they become but scared to death you will screw them up.

I am excited for the surgery outcome but I am afraid of the process that gets me there. I am excited for the beginning months but I am freaked out that my body will respond negatively. I am excited for what my life will be like a year from now but afraid that a year from now I will be in a worse place and wish I would have never had it. Excited for the life changes of being diabetes free but afraid the surgery won't work.

Do you see my excited but... theme. ;) I am trying with everything in me to be positive. More than anything I just want to wake up tomorrow afternoon and just be that...Awake. Awake with the knowledge that I defied the little 1/10 of 1% odd. Then I will begin to work my butt off and I pray that I will defy the next 1% of major complications and then the next, the 10% of people who have minor complications. And I will be like a friend of mine who not only made it through but he did with flying colors. And I know this is not my usual trend. But that is my hope. That is my prayer.

Rotten Day!

So yes, I know I am behind and have not yet posted my last day in Taiwan. Will do that when Jeremy gets a moment to post pictures. In the interim...this past week was slightly challenging as I got pretty sick with a sinus infection and bronchitis and had to go back on a bunch more meds. Story of my life...Medications.

This morning was Rotten. Most of you who follow my blog know my big "secret", that I have been and am still in process of being approved for the bariatric gastric bypass surgery. Medically for me its been a tough year. Vertigo since the day we came home from our honeymoon, Sinuplasty this past September, many many sinus infections after surgery as everything finally drained from who knows how long ago?, and my gall bladder surgery 6 weeks ago. Not to mention the giant allergies I have been dealing with since i moved here as well as the month spent going to therapy for the vertigo, chiropractor visits, and several other unmentionables. Needless to say, there are days when I seriously question The Lord. It has been not the most ideal start to my married life.

Which brings me again to this morning. I started this plan in June when i was officially diagnosed with Diabetes. I did everything I was supposed to do. I changed my eating habits, spent time with nutritionists and a diabetic nurse, I consult with a diabetic nurse practitioner every month, I went in every month to be weighed and have my a1c taken as well as my blood sugars checked. I have lost weight and been on a medication management plan. I went in for a sleep study. I have exhausted everything I have to do on my end. I have been dealing with my insurance since December and they continue to "lose" the paperwork my doctors fax in.

And again to this morning...hahaha. So finally after having done everything, attended the orientation and chosen my surgeon, made sure the surgeon was in my network, and turned in all of the paperwork to the hospital, I finally heard back this morning. Filled with Joy I called the nurse back as she indicated in the message they were ready to start scheduling my appointments. We spoke and as the conversation continued I heard the dreaded words "out of network". I assured the gal that indeed that one of the locations my chosen surgeon worked was "in network". I had made sure of this prior to beginning. There was a moment of silence before she gave me a number and told me to call crystal and talk to her. A bit confused, i made the phone call only to be told that somewhere in the 2 months since i had gone to the information meeting and turned in my paperwork, the surgeon had decided to abandon doing surgeries at my in network location. Fighting back tears I asked her what this meant for me.

Option A: pay my 30 percent to the tune of 30 percent of 35,000 dollars= 10,000
Option B: Fax all of my paperwork to the alternate location and use one of their surgeons
Option C: A whole new start to everything...new hospital, new surgeon, new beginning of the process.

Obviously I chose option B. So I spent some good time on the phone with Cathy, chatted about everything i needed to still do and she assured me she would make every effort to make this transition as smooth as possible. Now Jeremy and i have to attend another information session to meet these surgeons, and my insurance has to be dealt with all over again. More time more wait more this more that. Its so discouraging and so frustrating. I just want to get the surgery and get it over with and get on with my life. I so tired of this. its been 10 months since i started and still i see no pot at the end of the rainbow.

Anyway...to put it in perspective, i spent so much time on the phone with nurses and insurance that by 1pm my phone was dead. i began the morning at 9:15 and none of those calls were joy calls except the 20 minute call to Jeremy on his lunch telling him of my woes.

When all was said and done...my antidote: Sleep! Took a nap.

Day 6, March 26

Today was fantastic! We began our morning with a trip to a local Buddhist temple. It was very fascinating. I think the most interesting thing was seeing how many of them brought food and drink sacrifices. They offered incense offerings and stood in line for a monk's blessing. I had never been to a temple before so it was very very interesting. On the way to the bus station we passed a mortuary in the center of the city. Very odd. Also, next to the mortuary the city block was lined with stores selling caskets and urns. Even more odd.
We then took a taxi ride to a place called the Taipei tea promotion center. One of the goals of this week was to see a tea plantation and try some of the local tea varieties. Our taxi driver was so sweet and nice. Normally there is a Gondola that takes you from the Taipei Zoo to the tea plantations but last year a typhoon hit and damaged it. The taxi driver had never driven there before so it was an experience for all of us.

The tea promotion center was very lame. We decided its entire purpose was a city tax deduction. We walked along the road until we found a restaurant where we stopped to eat. Unbeknownst to us it turned it the eatery was exactly the place we had been hoping to find. In the same travel show about Taiwan that included the bee restaurant, it also included this one. The chef made up all of his own recipes and creations and cooked the food in tea and tea oil. It was sooooo good. We had a variety of foods. The chef was so sweet. Today was just a day of really awesome people.

Unfortunately the downside of today was that I was finally forced to either use a squat pot or wet my pants. I opted for the squat...very tramautizing. What a total pain. And then to add insult to injury when i came out of the GIRLS bathroom there was a man in the stall next to me with the door open zipping up his pants. He turned to look at me and I swear he acted like I was the freak. Hello....clearly the toilet next door had a Urinal. Good grief.

Later on after resting at home we left and had dinner at a very famous dumpling place. It too was fantastic. I know I will definitely miss the food here. Another interesting bathroom experience. This restaurant had toilets with automated bidets. You pushed the first button and it washed "inside"...then you pushed the second button and sprayed your outer bum off and the third button dried your bum. If that was'nt enough, the toilet had a music player on it for your listening pleasure as you did your business. :o)

Days 4 and 5, March 24-25

Wow...Time goes so fast. Can't believe we are already more than half way through our week here. Today we saw some of the gorgeous spots here in Taiwan.

This morning we hoofed and MRT'd (subway) it to a tourist trap called Dongshue. There was lots of street vendors at the day market. It is basically what we americans know as china town in the US. We tried little desserts and shopped. Am so excited, I got a very cute tea set that is green and replicates a lot of the sets we saw at the museum. After getting back to the house we left for an overnight holiday in a town called Wulai. It was beautiful. So green and luscious. We stayed in a family owned bed and breakfast. Wulai is known for its hot springs so we had a giant stone hot tub and a cold water tub in our bathroom. It was lovely. We alternated hot and cold about 4 times before getting out.

Tuesday night we ate at a local restaurant that Jeremy and I had seen on a food network TV show. We ate local delicacies including 2 week aged salted pork and Ostrich. The greens here are so good. Many kinds we dont eat in the US. The next day we went back to the restaurant and ate more rice that is cooked in bamboo and we ate fried bees. yes...bees with eyes and wings. They were really good. Very crunchy although it was weird looking at their eyes and sometimes i got wings stuck in my teeth.


We did some more local shopping, got some pineapple cakes. Yum. And headed home to relax and stay in for the evening. A wonderful holiday...just what we needed.

pics: Wulai Falls, Wulai Day Market, Aboriginal lady hand weaving. Plate of bees, Me eating bee, rice cooked in bamboo and plate of bees.

Day 3, March 23

Today is a special day, it is my dad's birthday and Ezrela and Kokloong's 6th anniversary. So.. happy birthday to my dad and happy anniversary to Ezrela and Kokloong.

Today we were truly tourists. First off we went to Sun Yat-Sen Memorial Hall. Very cool. They have a changing of the guard there every hour to honour the founder of the Chinese Republic, Sun Yat-Sen.

Next we went to the building called Taipai 101. It is amazing. The design of the building is based on the appearance of a bamboo. Right now it is the tallest building in the world and has the fastest elevator to the top. 89 floors in 32 seconds. Our ears popped on the way up and down because of the speed. The picture of the ball is the most incredible part of the building. It is a damper ball that prevents the building from moving as much as it otherwise would. There are 200 strands of wire in each of the ropes.

Later that evening we went out to eat at a really good Japanese buffet. Most of the food they made fresh to order. I tried to eat sushi since sushi here is different from the US in that they don't hard freeze the fish in order to kill the parasites. Thus it is extremely fresh. But i still didn't dig it. I suppose I am just not sophisticated enough.

Day 2, March 22

Today we woke up to a lovely day THICK with humidity and very warm. Jeremy and I really don't deal well with humidity. We are just too warm and my hair goes in crazy curly directions. So...in light of said weather conditions we decided to go to the National Palace Museum.

I was so bummed out that we weren't allowed to take photos inside of the museum. It is filled with amazing artifacts that were packed up and removed from the Forbidden City in Beijing. Apparently the items were packed and then moved around for the next 40 years until they were unpacked and displayed. The claim is that not one piece was broken during the 40 years.

The museum was pretty packed and we spent a lot of time running from the tour groups. One thing i have learned about the people here is they just shove right in front of you. The lack of consideration is crazy to me. However...being that I am about a foot taller than most of the people this wasn't that big of a problem. I could see over them. :o)

After the museum we went to a hot pot restaurant. I had never had hot pot so def a new experience for me. It was good but I ended up switching my order a bit since the soup base I ordered was basically a straight Kelp. Not a fan of seaweed...but, once the herbs were infused it was much better.

Decided i was going to run to the bathroom while my hot pot got to boiling. Door number 1...something weird on the floor. Door number 2...another weird floor "toilet". Fled back to table with something akin to fear and confusion. Described said contraption. Apparently a "squat toilet". However...had I looked behind door number 3 I would have encountered an American Toilet. Oh...another tidbit. Toilet paper is called Tissue..and Tissue is to be thrown away in garbage...not flushed. Hmmm. Am getting used to this sort of.... :o)

Day 1, March 21

We lost a day. We flew from daylight to daylight. Saturday morning we woke up and decided to just chill. So we did. We spent all day playing with Maou, Ezrela and Kokloong's funny kitty. She is hillarious. :o) We talked and caught up. It was so wonderful to just relax and unwind from the plane ride. I woke up in the middle of the night with a big cramp in my calf...a product of 15 hours in the plane. We slept on a very very firm mattress but didn't even notice because we were so tired.

Our lovely friends got us bakery treats for breakfast, and french pressed us coffee. Then they made us dumplings and cut up a fantastic bowl of fresh fruit. Sweet Papaya is now one of my fav's. Will have to be eating much more during the week.


Tonight we went to dinner at a yummy Thai restaurant. It was really really good. We checked out 7 eleven across from the apartment and...went back to sleep.

The Flight...

I dreaded the flight...i grumped and grouched about the flight for months before our trip. However...I made it all in one piece.

I watched 4 movies: The Changeling, Four Christmases, Man on Fire and Nights in Rodanthe. Conveniently we each had our own tv panel in front with lots of movie and game selections that were complimentary. I felt like a child in a mini van with a movie screen. Very thankful for the passing of hours.

We ended up in a flight pattern in Tokyo for about an hour waiting for the wind to die down so we could land safely. We got off the plane, went through security yet again...(what do they think, that we sharpened our plastic knives as a weapon while on the 11 hour flight??). They searched our carry-ons. The whole security issue makes so little sense. You go through security in Portland, get on a plane, get off a plane in Tokyo, walk about 100 yards to another security station...(what possibly could have changed between portland and tokyo while sitting on said plane??) Anyhow, we spend a half hour standing in line to get through the security line. Get to our gate and have exactly ten minutes to relax before we board yet again.

On the very small 757 we go. Jeremy and I have a trick now with seats. we both like aisles. We sit in aisle seats across from each other in hopes for an empty middle seat. Not to be. Our flights were both overbooked. Argh. We found out later this is Fashion Week in Taipei. I'm seated by a tiny Chinese guy that carries a man bag and makes me feel like a behemoth. hehe In fact, Jeremy and I feel like Giant White People. We are big...tall and very very white. In Taiwan the people are very tiny and definitely not blonde and white.

By hour 13 im pretty tired and trying hard to bite my tongue. I proclaim to Jeremy that we are no longer flying anywhere outside of the United States...in fact, I no longer want to fly. I am so tired. My head is hanging and each time i start to fall asleep my head boinks down to my chest and wakes me up. We land...Finally. Customs and security...Car service to Ezrela and Kokloong's apartment...Yay! Okay, so maybe ill fly again...Maybe like this saturday?? :o)

New and Fun!

We have a couple of new additions to our house and I am so thrilled. We decided to get a pot rack in hopes of creating additional space in our slightly small kitchen. Jeremy hung it tonight and I am so happy and excited. Even though our pots and pans don't look like the food network all clad sets. I am okay with that. I like our smattering of pampered chef, calphalon, and Costco brand...heheh.
I also purchased a new slow cooker...but that will be its own post later on because its just so fantastic.

And...we got a new bed. Either our bed has been causing us aches and pains or our old age; not sure which but probably a bit of both. Anyhow, we have been groaning every morning with our back pain and our hips and knees have been popping and cracking so we decided we had had enough.
Interestingly we did not intend to buy our new bed the day we shopped. We had eaten breakfast out with friends the week before my gall bladder surgery...and as usual, my tummy was presenting some problems so as we walked about in the mall i saw the Select Comfort bed store and made a bee line. I figured heck...i would just lay down on the beds until my stomach felt better. hee hee. :o) well after trying out about 6 different beds we began to realize how much better we both felt just in the few minutes of laying on them.

We were hooked! We left the store and went right home to take a look at our financial spreadsheet. Needed to make sure we could afford said bed. After getting an affirmative answer...we called up the store and ordered the bed. Today it arrived and we CANNOT wait to try it out tonight. Both of us are expecting miracles! Haha j/k.

5 things I have learned about surgery

As most of you know, I had my gall bladder removed this past wednesday. It is a very interesting process....especially for me.

1. Don't try to tell the nurses what to do regarding your own body. They will only tell you you are wrong and then try desperately to hit your vein for an IV only to fail 2x in 2 different areas and when you are asleep they will do what you originally said to do, hit it in the right spot, once, with little bruising. I think they thought i was an iv drug user since my veins were not productive.

2. Fight for a big room. Rant and rave so your family can sit in a comfortable chair for the hours they are stuck with you rather than a teeny room with what amounts to a folding chair. Even if the nurse gets really grouchy at you and thinks you are acting like a princess.

3. Don't bother with your pre-op appt because as soon as you get to the day surgery center the nurse will spend a half hour asking you the exact same questions she did a week ago. and its really annoying. esp when you are hungry and thirsty. Not to mention that my pre-op nurse told me not to take my nexium the night before surgery and the day nurse said i should have taken it the night before as well as the morning before to aid with anesthesia.

4. Fight for your underwear. I was forced to strip down to my nothings...and my lowest incision is my belly button. Give me a break.

5. Listen to the nurses when they tell you about the smile pain chart. The whole keeping ahead of the pain is really important. I felt so good the first day that I didn't think i needed any pain meds. Come midnight I was screaming because the air bubble in my belly hit my shoulder and between the belly and shoulder pain, i could hardly breathe.

Anyhow...there's a little piece of my first day of surgery. I am feeling better now but am still so tired and my belly is still filled with air. Now not only am i fat...but I look like one of those fat pregnant people with my belly protruding. Its not very exciting.

Monday Blues

I have a terrible headache. It's just one of those days where I feel overwhelmed. My house isn't pristine, I can't find my sunglasses, and above all I haven't slept good for over a week. I had to stop taking anti-inflammatory drugs a week ago and I so rely on them to help me sleep through my aches and pains. Tylenol is not cutting it.

I have laundry to do and I haven't shopped for this week yet...well, normally I shop on Mondays so I will go later. And the thing is...I know so much of this panic mode has to do with the fact I am having my gall bladder removed on Wednesday morning. I am concerned about getting everything done before my mom gets here. She is coming for the week to take care of me and I don't want her to feel like she has to take care of my house and laundry etc. I have planned meals through Wednesday so she will only need to cook Thursday...arrrgh.

It is just one of those days where it seems there is not enough time in the day. last night I freaked out at 1am because I was obsessing about my sunglasses...and then i unloaded on Jeremy because he squashed things together on the counter to make my new slow cooker fit...and i HATE clutter and I can't stand things feeling small and tight...again...It is just one of THOSE days.

And through this all I am supposed to be working through financial peace and having my life more organized. And right now I am just venting. I have too many things and not enough space. I continuously have to juggle things into boxes and what not...I want a bigger house but I am trying to be content with where I am. What is contentment? Truly...does anyone ever really achieve contentedness?? Besides the Duggar mom of 18 kids...who always looks like she's happy with no cares in the world.

How can i love The Lord so much but yet still struggle so badly with stress and anxiety and obsessive compulsions? Isn't putting my faith and trust in God supposed to alleviate these things? Can they walk hand in hand? I certainly hope so because if they can't....then I am just outta luck!

Valentine's Weekend

This past weekend we went away from 3 nights to a lovely B&B in Arlington, WA called River Rock Inn. It is beautiful and the weekend was fantastic. Just what we needed.

Valentine's day used to be my day of dread. It was the LOVE day...the day that simply screamed at me...SINGLE. But now that I am married I have a new appreciation for Valentine's day. It is not a romance day only but a day that tells everyone you love, that you do. I wish I would have not scorned it so much before but honestly I am really glad that on the off days...the non valentine's days...my family and friends have known in many ways how much I love them. I love to love on people. It is a blessing to bless others.

But this weekend...my husband blessed me. He blessed me by loving me even though I hurled insults at him when our train got all messed up and our rental car wasn't waiting and no one could figure out where our reservations were. He blessed me by letting me vent and not getting angry as I continued to rail about our 8 hour journey that was supposed to be much shorter because of taking a train and renting a car. He blessed me by still taking me to dinner and loving me even though i was knotted up and tightly wound. And then he blessed me by opening the door to my room and showing me what was waiting. Jeremy had arranged to send a beautiful gift for me with an even more treasured card to go with it. He had also arranged a lovely bouquet of roses.

As I sat down and read the card I was truly humbled. Humbled by a husband that knew what awaited me as I ranted and didn't throw it in my face. A husband who had so carefully planned this amazing weekend and as I shouted at him that I just wanted to go home, he sat patiently, only asking me if I could try to get past his mistakes and love him anyway. A husband who wrote the most poignant words that I NEEDED to hear. I sat there stunned and began to cry. On this holiday weekend of love I had already said the most unloving things to my husband and I was deeply ashamed. All I could say was forgive me, I love you, and Thank you.

The weekend was wonderful but the biggest lesson I took was what it felt like to be so humbled and truly having an understanding of what real love looks like. It isn't "stuff". It is respect, time, words...all of the things that no money can buy and what can't be returned or taken back. Oh that I could take back my words and those lost moments of time...but now I can take those words and that lost time and remember it the next time I want to be angry and don't want to control it. My husband taught me the best lesson of love. it is having self control and loving without condition. God is so good. I used to pray that God would truly show himself to me and now I think he does. Through my husband. And the love my husband has for me is just a small example of how infinite My Father's love is. I am so truly blessed that God saw fit to send me a prince and allow me to be "discovered". In my single days a friend said that to me and it stuck. When i asked her why she was single she simply answered that she hadn't been discovered yet. :o)

My first time skiing

So this past Sunday we went skiing. Jeremy is a really good skier and used to be a ski instructor. I used to snowboard and I was really not successful so I felt sure I HAD to be better on skis. Jeremy and I have an "adopted" niece and nephew. Joni and Justin are the kids of one of my former co-workers and we totally dig spending time with them. Joni was up for the weekend so much of this ski trip also had to do with her since she totally wanted to ski.

Due to inclement weather on Saturday, I became a SACRIFICIAL LAMB and gave up one of THE most important days of the year...Superbowl Sunday. We got up early in the AM and set off to Mount Hood Meadows where Joni and I were signed up for a ski lesson and rentals. Admittedly i was little crabby on the way up, as visions of snowboard falls were filling my head.

On my way...my boots were on and I was told to carry my skis and poles. A little challenging while trying to navigate the snow but made it to the bunny hill. After moving around on one ski for a bit and then trying to climb up the "hill" using sidestepping, we were finally on our way to the magic carpet. A Terrible terrible machine. It was basically a moving floor (like those in airports), contained in a tubular structure with no handles to hold onto. I scooted my way up to the rubber and just as I thought I was on...I was SOOOO NOT. I fell with this giant line of people behind me. As i lay there I hear my instructor tell everyone else, "oh, i forgot, you need to bend your knees a little forward as you get on". hmmm. Nice information to know BEFORE this.

Anyway...i gave up from my lesson a little early because i was so thirsty and wanted to sit down. After a bit we all headed to buttercup where we were to begin the afternoon round. My first time down I bit it, Hard. I got my ski pole caught under the front of my ski and flipped backward and landed hard on the center of my back. The wind was knocked out. That was end of my ski day. I hurt and was tired and a nice warm lodge with a superbowl on tv sounded better. I went in, had myself a pint of Pipeline Porter, put my comfy smartwool socks on and had myself a fine old time. And did i mention that Joni is a total pro?? figures. Hehehe.

In the pics Joni the pro is the ski girl and obviously I am the stander. look at my fake smile. underneath those goggles I had been crying me eyes out for about 15 minutes, all the way from the mountain to the lodge I say...

Cannon Beach

Jeremy and I went to cannon beach last weekend. It was just a spur of the month thing. I got a great special offer in my email for lodging so off we went. Cannon Beach is a place full of memories for me. While Jeremy and i have gone there before a few times, this was our first time we actually stayed for a weekend and were alone. The other couple of times we were with friends or family.

It was such fun showing Jeremy about all my old haunts. We went to the Cannon Beach Conference center where oddly enough the women's retreat from my church I attended in Salem happened to be there. Saw a few old friends I had not seen in quite some time. We went through the grounds and I showed him all of the places I used to hang...albeit they are much nicer now. I showed him the chapel of memories where I was so disappointed to see that the back where we all used to hang, sing and crochet appears to now be a storage area.

We meandered to the Coach House and had a really good tall triple breve latte (my fav drink), made by an Ecola student then made reservations for a marriage conference in April where I instructed the lady registering us that I needed to stay in the only lodge I had not cleaned bathrooms in while doing work study at Ecola.



We went to Pig n Pancake, the newer cannon beach location. We went to Bruce's candy kitchen and then sat down on couches at Bella espresso and enjoyed more coffee before meeting up with old friends from Ecola for lunch. i should also point out that Bella Espresso has changed dramatically. As has everything else.

It's always nostalgic going to special places and then being able to make more memories. Cannon Beach will always be one of those places I hold dear. It is where I made friends for a lifetime. Even though I don't always see these friends I know they will always share a part of my heart. And now my husband too gets to share a part of that memory as well, as we build on the old and begin the new.

December resolution

its december 4th and I am seated here on my couch writing this and listening to Katie Couric in the background. I am a Brian Williams follower but I missed the 5:30 news. As a side note...I am really not digging Katie's new hair do.

The big three...what to do? They are right...as sick as it is...bankruptcy could have cataclysmic ramifications. Do i like it? No Way! Did i like the 700 billion dollar bail out? No Way! Is all of this necessary?? Unfortunately yes. I am so thankful for God who takes care of us. I am so thankful that I don't have to worry about being okay because He promises me He will meet my needs. I am so thankful that because of this I don't live in fear and feel the need to be selfish and stingy. Do unto others right? :o) Not that I don't pay close attention to the stock market and Jeremy's 401K...human nature i suppose.

Anyway...all of this is on my mind as I continued my Christmas shopping today. When did Christmas become this? When did it become so commercialized that it does not even seem to reflect Christ anymore? I wish for a Christmas devoid of presents. What do we truly NEED? We need Jesus. We need our savior. We need to love others.

I say all of this but then i look down at my pottery barn and restoration hardware shopping bags and I know I am a part of this. I am no better than anyone else. Though I question commercialism...i too fall victim to the store sales and the beauty of Christmas decorations. Reality takes shape as I look at the clock and see that it is almost 7 and my husband is still not home from work. Sometimes I truly wonder if financial security is worth the time that my husband pays every day.

Oops...my resolution is to blog more often. I ended up on a bit of a tangent...such is life.

It's our turn now!

This is our first official Littrell web page/blog area. I have been loving reading tons of blogs over the past month or so and decided what a great way for our friends and family to keep up with the two of us.

It is almost the 4th of July and as this weekend comes we are so excited. My parents are coming up from Albany to spend the weekend with us in Vancouver, WA. We rented a family suite at the Heathmann Lodge in Vancouver for 2 nights and are totally looking forward to just chilling out and having a great time visiting.

Also, this is the hotel we stayed at on our wedding night before we flew off to Kauai the next day. So it is a little extra special I suppose. We are planning to go to the Fort Vancouver fireworks display as long as we all feel up to it.

It has been a long few months. My sister and husband had their 4th child, Talan, and then subsequently moved a couple of months later; so we have been a very busy family welcoming our new addition and getting them moved into their new place.

And... I just finished my first class at Portland Community College here in Hillsboro. It is the first class I have taken since my 2003 graduation from Oregon State. It was a bit daunting going back to school but I am definitely ready for my full load in the fall. Jeremy has been tremendously busy with work. It seems that even though he is home in the evenings I never get to see him much. He is in many many evening meetings with Malaysia, India and Israel.

We are almost to our 10 month anniversary. It seems crazy. We have made a valiant effort to go out on a date every week since we got married, and to celebrate the 8th day of every month (or as close to it as possible). Some months it has worked and others have not been as successful.

A quick rundown...

Sep.. Honeymoon in Hawaii was beautiful and warm. We were exhausted and ready to come home. :o)

Oct.. Jeremy brought me a dozen roses on the 8th and we went to dinner.

Nov.. We stayed at a very fun bed and breakfast in Depot bay called the Pana-sea-ah. I got very sick...not so romantic. Hahaha

Dec.. We were in Mazatlan for a wonderful 10 day vacation. My parents joined us with 4 days remaining.

Jan.. We were in Arkansas at Jeremy's mother's home. We did not go out...It was a very busy time with loads of family to see. We were in Arkansas for almost a month.

Feb.. We went to a bed and breakfast in Bend called Cabin Creek for Valentine's weekend. It was fabulous and we are going back there for our first anniversary. Also, Jeremy surprised me with a valentine's date to the Portland Spirit. A wonderful dinner cruise that sported very yummy food.

Mar.. Jeremy was in Indiana visiting one of his close friends, Nathan. I was with my parents. Also...VERY romantic.. Hahaha

April.. Had tickets to Cirque De Soleil, Corteo for April 5 (our one year engagement anniversary)...but our new nephew was born the evening of April 3. We were wiped out and we were still in Albany for the whole weekend.

May.. Went to a wonderful ballet called the white bird 4 x 4... Then took off on a last minute 2 nights to our depot bay bed and breakfast.

June.. I think we failed. I think we were tired and busy...Oh, Jeremy was on a fishing trip with my dad and church. Again...I was with my mom. Hahaha

July.. Remains to be seen. I suppose this weekend at our wedding night location sort of counts...even if we are with our parents.